Introductions and confessions

At last….I find myself joining the millions and buying into the world of blog. Be prepared for moments of insanity, clarity, snippets from the private world of a sexually frustrated woman, gossip and the rantings and ravings of a rather odd woman.

As most of you will get to know, I am a user of a particular chat site that is somewhat sexually forward and is what is known as ’No Holds Barred’ chatroom. Not that you have to talk sex whilst in there, far from it, but you have to be prepared to accept ‘anything goes’, and is, and sometimes the chatters can be cruel, unsophisticated and downright feisty. But a huge reason I visit is their political forums where the duelling there is worse than swords at dawn or fisticuffs behind the school gym. The ever present fight between the Democratic followers and the Republicans is fierce and from the point of one who is middle ground, bemusing to say the least.
I say middle ground. In my own country I would call myself a conservative, however compared to US politics, I would say I am far more liberal than what they would consider conservative. It amazes me the heated arguements held there over issues like the proposal Health reforms. I listen to the Republicans insisting that the Health care system is working for anyone willing to work and pay their taxes, yet I know many Americans who insist that without employers contributing and making health insurance part of the financial package, they simply could not afford the premiums.

And now I am watching the debate unravel about whether Obama should have been the recipient of the Nobel Peace prize. Should he? Based on what he is trying to acheive and is hoping to do so in the future? Shouldn’t the prize be given to someone or an organisation who has acheived peace and all good things to mankind? Has the awarding of this prestigious prize been belittled and turned into a politic ‘who’s the most popular’ prize? I see the intentions of the Noweigan board but it does seem to have come as a surprise to most. It’s a strange choice.


So onto sex matters. Cougar. Well, I should say I am a would-be Cougar. In my dreams. The reality is that I live a pretty sexless life these days, for various reasons. I have a young son which acts as a pretty effective man repulsion system; I am ridiculously busy with my work and I find myself enjoying my own time and company too much to allow another person in. Its not that I don’t enjoy mens company, I do, very much. But I enjoy the freedom to spread out in my bed, sleeping from the left side, to the right whenever I feel like it. I also love sleeping with the curtains open and I have found in past relationships, this is a no-no for most people.

So I find my relationships are usually frivolous and only to satisfy some very instant urges and needs. My last ‘relationship’ was with the husband of a friend. Ah. I hear the sucking in of breaths and the shaking of heads. And yes, it does sound rather aweful. And it was. So learn from my experience ladies and gentlemen.

We were all drunk and the friend, lets call her Mildred, has very open issues with sex. She hates it, rarely has it, and its become a huge issue within her marriage to Albert.

Albert has always been very flirty with me and its never really been an issue. I don’t find him attractive, he’s the sort that dumbs everything down and he’s my friend by association to Mildred. Anyway, we are all a little drunk and sharing a bed whilst we chat and natter….Mildred, Albert, then I. All lined up like little soldiers. Mildred falls asleep snoring loudly, and somehow, in the midst of us talking, hands start to touch, lips meet and at some point, my head is pushed under the covers and you know what naughty deed was done then. And that was it. Nothing more.

But like alot of unfinished business, these things can fester and on our next meeting, Albert and I found ourselves alone for an hour in the house and before you could blink, pants were off, panties aside and we were doing it there and then. And we did for the next few days. Whilst Mildred was asleep, we were stealing dirty moments downstairs.
Of course, it was the fact it was wrong and dirty that was the attraction and nothing to do with him. And I knew that no more would happen, ever again. So I told him, made it clear that this was inherently wrong, selfish and purely sexual and it had to end. And it did. And Albert and I have talked about it often, and even though I know he would happily repeat the experience, he knows I wont.

Is it because I don’t want to hurt my friend? Yes, of course. But its also because I know what I did was wrong on many many levels. Do I have trouble looking her in the eyes, no, I truly don’t, because I know it was nothing to me, or in reality to him. His willingness to repeat is based on sex. Not on feelings or love, but the release of sex. It was sex, as I could have enjoyed with my trusted Rampant Rabbit (but easier for me) and it was thrilling because for a few days in my mundane life, I did something daring, sexy and full of heat. But it wasn’t real and because it wasn’t real, I am no threat to Mildred. I don’t feel the need to repent or to confess to her, or warn her that her husband is capable of an affair, because I don’t think he would. I think he did with me because it was the right person, at the right time and the right place. Take me out of it and he’s not the wandering type.

So do I feel I am the sort of woman that other women should be wary of? Yes and no. I have now learned that I am able to see a man and am capable of seeing past the family life and taking what I need. That makes me a dangerous woman. I do meet couples and the husband is attractive, and now that whimsical lighthearted thought of ‘I’d do him’ has new meaning. I would, or...I could. But I don’t. Because ultimately, I don’t want to leave a wake of destroyed family units behind me, and I also recognise that these are purely selfish sexual needs calling out. I am not looking for Mr Right For the Third time. I am genuinely happy in my house with my child and work. I have the circle of friends around me that I treasure and I don’t want a man in there upsetting the balance. Maybe in the years to come I may feel differently, but for now, I am content.