Rampant rabbits and silly men in holds

So about 5 years ago, I started to chat online, an interesting place named after a type of meat. Not thebeef. Nor thechicken. Nor thelamb. Anyway, I chatted and after some time met a particually handsome and enticing man who for the sake of embarassing him, we'll call Wilbert. Well, Wilbert and I hit it off in a big way, and soon I was being initiated into the seedy world of webcams, phone sex and cyberland. After a year, we decided to meet up and I agreed to fly some 5,000 miles to the US of A to see what would develop. I of course hoped with all my heart and lady hormones that Wilbert and I would instantly connect and have wild monkey sex for the three week trip. However, being the level headed wise old lady that I am, I wasn't going to count them little yellow squeeky things til they had hatched and so, I packed my favourite Ann Summers rampant rabbit sex toy (the deluxe version, which I can highly recommend to all the ladies and and lovers of all things electronic) and I set for for the USA.

The first leg went smoothly and I found myself a O'Hare airport awaiting my connection. 'It's alright Miss Cougar', said the nice lady at the Gate, 'Your bags are being moved directly onto the internal flight, there's no need for you to check them back in again'. 'Excellent', was my thought.

An hour later, I'm slouched in one of those oh so not comfortable airport chairs at Gate K15, when a message comes over the tannoy, my ears pricked up...'could Miss Cougar please go to Gate K15'. I could. But why? Had my plane taken off without me? Had I done something wrong? Why? why? I wondered. So I made my way to the desk.

'Ah, Miss Cougar' said the same nice lady who had explained about my bags, 'Miss Cougar, I'm afraid we need you to come down to the plane and check your luggage. I'm afraid there's a strange noise coming from one of your bags'.

'Really?' I'm thinking. 'What could that be?' I wonder, as I follow the nice lady down the ramp and along to the waiting plane. We approach the plane and I see all the bags on a carrier, some laying on the ground waiting to be unceremoniously thrown into the plane. 'A strange noise?' I'm still pondering to myself. Then, as I spot my bag, sitting slightly apart from the others, it dawns on me. The noise. Oh crap!! My rabbit!

I hastily turn to the nice lady and in some embarrassment I utter the words 'Oh gosh, I think I know what's making the noise; its a little embarrassing I'm afraid'

'Thats okay hon' the nice lady drawls, 'you just need to verify that everything in your bag is okay'

And I look down at the offending bag. It's sitting there, its zipper has been pulled apart, the contents rummaged through already....and a quiet, soft gentle humming is coming from within. I look up at the nice lady, but she's got her back half turned to me, a slow smile on her face, and thats when I hear the start of some snickering from within the planes cargo hold. And I know at that point that this whole calling me down is just for the benefit of the cargo handlers, currently crouched out of sight in the hold, having a good giggle at my expense.

I want to hang my head in shame and bite my lip, but instead I stand up tall, open my case and pull out my wonderful deluxe rampant rabbit and for all the airport to see, I lift him high and turn him off before silently putting him back in my bag.

As I turned away to walk back up to the Gate, I hear the roars of laughter errupting from the hold and the nice lady and I look at each other and she smiles without saying a word as I go through various wonderful shades of puce.

Moral of the story? Always remove the batteries from your toys before travelling.